Monday, September 17, 2012

Maternal Separation Anxiety T______T

“Maternal separation anxiety is an unpleasant emotional state of worry, guilt, and sadness experienced by mothers during a short-term separation from their infant” says Hui-Chin Hsu, Ph.D., in a report “Antecedents and consequences of separation anxiety in first-time mothers: infant, mother, and social-contextual characteristics” for the Department of Child and Family Development at the University of Georgia.The report states that while feeling anxious about separation from your child may be normal—and even healthy—for parents of young children, excessive separation anxiety may be maladaptive and detrimental to parents’ mental health, which in turn may wield negative impacts on their parenting behaviors and the child’s development. The study also found that mothers express higher levels of separation anxiety when their infants suffer from colic or other health-related vulnerabilities.

well, too elaborate. no?

pelbagai janji guwe taburkan untuk menghupdate blog kan? sungguhla janji manismu kan kan kan? tsk. the truth is....tak ada masa. i cant leave him for 1 second. he can only sleeps kalau terkena badan ibu. so can you imagine camna chaoticnya? melekat 24/7 :p even solat pun kena bawa dia sekali dalam SSC kalau raungan dia kuat. on top of his tiny lungs youuuuuu! anuar zain sungguh anak haku #tddmka

esok akan bermula semula jadual gila seorang cikgu yang rumahnya 40km daripada sekolah. i have to drop him off to taska at 6.20 am paling lewat. adui, sedihnya hati. boleh ke teacher Imaan sabar dengan ragam Imaan? since he is a bit on "semangat" side, can they tahan holding him since dia memang suka didukung/explore tempat? sakitnya jadi working mommy ni ya? kalaulah mampu mahu aja jadi WAHM.

lets recap apa yang berlaku dalam 3 bulan ini ya :)
 
Berpantang for me sungguh..... sungguh mencabar. aku sangka... ye ye makan tertentu. bengkung, stokin, etc etc. ada yang kata layanan macam queen.. semuanya akan disediakan oleh family members. well bukan itu yang aku lalui. my MIL masak sgt sedap, washed the clothes, prepared the herbal bath and all and i am so thankful for that :) maybe i would feel more relaxed if my breastfeeding journey lancar sahaja. breastfeeding, hmm the emotional and physical pain was unbearable and still is. terkeluar jugak pada lactation counsellor (LC) bahawa aku sanggup menempuh satu lagi kelahiran. ye.. THAT painful.

sepanjang mengandung tak pernah sekali pun ada leaking on breasts. so i thot takpala kot until ada yang berkata maybe i have to work harder than anyone else bab menyusu ni. that got me thinking and aku mula sediakan plan kecemasan. heeee. apa pelan kecemasan guwe? 

IBU SUSUAN.

my best friend, alhamdulillah has been blessed with abundant susu badan. selepas sahaja melahirkan, Imaan nangis lapar, i tried to latch him tapi tak boleh. aku dah risau. tanya nurse kalau dia terus menangis nurses akan buat apa? depa akan bagi formula milk. OMG! aku baca terlalu banyak from internet. not one second aku terfikir tentang FM. ada yang gelarkan FM as poison. well itu tersemat dalam kepala aku. so i call her, she came dengan baby 6 bulan at 12 am! kami terharu sangat sangat, budi baik ko takkan dapat aku balas mek. and the nurse gave Imaan the milk using spoon or cup. and nurse kata Imaan habiskan 1OZ!!!! T____T now, maybe that is the start of this bf drama. dia dah biasa dapat banyak from day one sedangkan ibu belum produce any susu just yet. no demand/suction dari baby camne nak signal otak?

latching problem. satu, kerana apparently dulu i had flat nipples. silalah menggoogle ye darling. and that i know after i delivered. opkos tak kisahla nipple ko camne yang pasti baby kena latch on areola not nipple. but a bit of nipple would help greatly. i tried all my might to get him to latch. sure he will try to latch and will cry on top of his lungs after that and he was inconsolable. he was quite challenging :) hehe he will only stop crying when he sleeps. so now, imagine the stress :)

setiap hari aku cuba bagi dia nurse, nangis, bagi susu mama dia, ibu dia menangis sambil pam susu. berulang ulang setiap hari. mula mula angin je keluar but on fifth day..... colostrum!!!!! yay!!!! dan masa birthday aku, aku sgt sgt down. i just want to bf my son and dalam keadaan huru hara bawa Imaan ke hospital kerana kuning aku berjaya bf Imaan :D itu hadiah paling bermakna bagi aku. alhamdulillah. perasaannnya tak tergambar.

aku faham konsep supply and demand. aku tahu if i give him alternative usaha akan jadi susah to fully bf. countless trip to LC and satu hari kak Haza, a LC from Lunatots datang rumah waktu malam and dia refer aku ke LC di PPUM kerana mungkin Imaan tounge-tied/lidah pendek so latching sungguh susah almost impossible. LC PPUM kak yati and kakroy refer kes Imaan ke doktor Koe, pakar kanak kanak. dipendekkan cerita. Yes Imaan was a toungue tie baby, Yes Imaan dah menjalani frenulectomy and Yes feeding improved after that except kena pujuk dia to suckle on my breasts sebab sudah ada nipple confusion. apa yang baby perlu at that time ialah kenyang dan cukup tido.......and i believe that if i bond earlier with my baby he would be calmer. so take note dear self, next time bila anak nangis for any reason even if takdak reason, you HAVE to sooth him yourself. this bonding is VERY CRUCIAL for baby and mommy. mak anak kena kenal satu sama lain secepat mungkin you know.

itu belum masuk bab nipple. uiiiii sakitnya. lebih lebih lagi dengan latch on yang tak betul. sakit menangis every feeding and dreading for the next session sehingga Imaan 2 bulan baru reda. bengkak susu, melecet, nipple shield, nipple confusion, countless people looking while you nurse, the stare when you only have 1 oz of milk after long pumping session. soalan seperti "cukup ke susu?", "eh sikitnya?", "susu badan ke? full???" semuanya menambahkan stress dan menurunkan self esteem.

i cried almost every minutes of my pantang days.

bila Imaan menangis dan i tried to nurse (every hours) and susu mama dah tak ada dalam stok, and everyone was adamant Imaan lapar..... maka cikyoi ke kedai pada 11 malam beli FM. malam tu everytime Imaan nangis aku pura pura tido and nangis bawah bantal. the emotional pain was unbearable and aku demam that nite kerana bengkak susu (latching prob belum settle) and nipple hurt like hell. that was among the lowest point of my life.

giving up bf? takde satu hari pun berlalu dalam pantang yang aku tak fikir pasal ni. penyusuan Imaan continued dengan susu mama and susu ibu. sehinggalah nak masuk Ramadhan aku berhentikan susu mama... sebab aku pun menyusukan anak. i know rasa haus and penat menyimpan stok. kesian mama dia :) so aku googled. aku cuba cari susu kambing for infant. dah jumpa resepi nak buat susu segar kambing untuk infant tapi nak dapat bekalan agak susah so aku cari FM susu kambing and i found it! Karihome! review kata ok. so aku gamble. kalau ini dah tertulis buat aku dan anakku, aku redha. at this time Imaan minum 2oz every 2 hours dan kalau aku pam i only produced 2 oz in 3 hours. malam sebelum bermulanya penyusuan ibu + susu kambing, i cried and cried the whole night. sampai pagi tersedu sedu dalam tidur. aku rasa gagal sebagai seorang emak. aku nak menyusu badan untuk anak, mahukan yang terbaik but with Imaan and my condition, at that time i was impossible. cikyoi pujuk kata susu ni rezeki dari Allah. kita buat apa yang terbaik buat masa ini untuk Imaan, asalkan jangan berhenti berusaha mengepam dan df.

sekarang Imaan hampir 3 bulan. he prefers ME, his Ibu. we bonded finally. dia kenal ibu akhirnya :) perasaan bila dia mengamuk takmau susu kambing dalam botol and demand nak nene ibu was beyond words. we went through a lot. aku, cikyoi and Imaan. people can only imagine the pain i went through. post ini bukanlah rungutan, cuma peringatan kepada diri sendiri bahawa REZEKI ITU MILIK ALLAH. jangan putus asa and be realistic. balik kepada niat.

kadang kala kata kata dari memang menyakitkan. kamu tak melalui apa yang telah kami lalui. apa yang dicoretkan hanya sebahagian kecil apa yang telah dilalui. alhamdulillah rezekimu melimpah dan marilah kita saling ingat mengingati pemilik rezeki, kun faya kun sayang. jika ini sudah dicaturkan untuk kami, aku redha :)

inilah perjalanan breastfeeding aku sepanjang 3 bulan. pahit manis mendekatkan kami sebagai satu keluarga. IF aku dapat peluang kedua, 3 perkara akan aku pesan kepada diri sendiri;
1. use SNS jika ada ibu susuan
2. BOND with your baby a.s.a.p, you have to!
3. redha bahawa Allah pemilik rezeki dan jangan berhenti berusaha.

ok darlings, lepas beban dari bahu dengan post ini. malas nak bersorok kebenarannya sebab tak mahu dipandang sebelah mata "tak breastfeed exclusive?" hehehe. nak pi tidoq dengan Imaan dah. esok rindulah ibu dengan Imaan. lindungi anakku Ya Rahman Ya Rahim. moga lembut hati teacher dan bersabar dalam melayan Imaan. Amin :)

 and to the new phase of my life.... bismillahirrahmannirrahim!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hi dear,

tahniah atas kelahiran imaan.i once pernah komen in comment box pasal pilihan hospital bersalin.hehe.alhamdulillah u dpt apa yg u hajatkan.
bila baca pasal bf journey ni, i pun ada cerita yg hampir sama. my baby pun tak reti nak latch sbb dia lahir kecik n i have flat nipple also. tp sbb i cser and tak sedar after operation, the doc gave him FM. masa tu sedih jgk tp fikir +ve, itu rezeki baby buat masa tu. lepas boleh bangun, terus urut utk bagi susu ada. but still baby tak pandai latch. after 4 days, discharge from hospital,i terus pam. alhamdulillah ada keluar susu and feed thru bottle. tak fikir pun masa tu if baby akan nipple confuse ke tak, yg i tau baby kenyang n sihat sbb dia ada jaundice.
at that moment, i rasa loser sgt sbb tak bleh direct feed baby and rasa mcm baby akan tak kenal mama dia.di tambah org yg visit kata nnt baby tak dpt antibodi la sbb still campur FM masa tu.i nangis setiap hari.tp syukur i ada husband n family yg support.
cut story short, i became full EP mom for almost 2 months. lepas 2 months, baby dah besar sket and dia pandai latch.me n hasben setiap hari doa agar dipermudahkan dan hanya target sebulan,2bulan or selama mana yg diizinkan. alhamdulillah, now baby dah hampir 11 bulan dan masih fully bf.
so, u jgn give up. as long as kita berniat baik, insyaallah akan dipermudahkan dan rezeki baby akan tetap ada. ;)

-syai-

 

© Copyright Of Being Beautiful - Designed by Krafty Palette